T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak

When was the last time you said something to someone and immediately wished you hadn't? Or regretted saying it the way you did? Words are a powerful communication tool that can be used to help build and strengthen relationships.  However, all too often we speak without considering the impact our  words may have on another.  This can be especially true when talking with those we love the most. At this time of year when spreading a little cheer, good will, and even peace on earth seems to be more accepted--and hopefully more prevalent--perhaps the best gift we can give to each other is words of kindness.

I recently heard an insightful acronym for the word think, to be used as a barometer whenever our emotions may be obscuring our ability to say something nice.

T - Is it True?
This question requires us to stop and take time to consider if our perspective is skewed, or otherwise completely out of whack.  Maybe we don't have all the facts, or there is something about the situation of which we are unaware. Perhaps the ego is in the way and emotions are blocking us from seeing a more accurate perspective.  Is it actually true?

H - Is it Helpful?
We ought to consider if our comments will help the situation or improve the circumstances. Will it help build relationships?  In the long run, relationships are always more important than opinions.

I - Is it Inspiring?
This suggests a deeper level of language than merely making a helpful comment.  When we say something inspiring, we are noticing the value in another person and the contributions they have to make. We hope our words help them recognize this in themselves.  Inspiring words are carefully chosen and used with genuineness.

N - Is it Necessary? 
"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" is sound advice.  And sometimes it really is effective to literally "bite your tongue" while you determine if what you're dying to say is necessary. Of course important issues need to be addressed and stuffing things under the rug doesn't make them go away.  However, it may not be necessary to say what's on our mind at the particular moment we feel like saying something.  We may be better served by letting it go, or coming back to it later.

K - Is it Kind?
If we've considered the first four questions of the "THINK-Before-You-Speak-Barometer", and the situation still merits a verbal response, make sure it is spoken with words of kindness.  "Thank you", "please", "I am sorry", "I respect your feelings", "I appreciate", "I like the way...." and other gentle words will soften tense situations and improve relationships.

I saw a bumper sticker not long ago that simply stated, "Don't believe everything you think!" This, too, is a poignant reminder to see if our ego is in the way.  Next time you feel like you have a lot to say, or you can't wait to tell someone what you really think about them, or you just want to vent, try the T.H.I.N.K. barometer.  You may find that your temperature cools down, you breathe more easily, and your heart beats more calmly.  I understand that kindess actually expands the heart. Isn't that what happened to the Grinch?